In Remembrance of Mothers

Exodus 20:12: "Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you."

It has been over 12 years since I lost my mother to the battle against cancer. And like many of you, you find this remembrance of mothers one of having to look at pictures, reading letters or sitting by a grave site thinking about the life you had with your mother while many still have the opportunity to actual share this remembrance with your mother.

For some of us, our childhood was not a good experience while others had the opportunity of being raised in good Christians homes. For some of us, we came out of either emotional and/or physical abuse. Our day was based upon the attitude and physical condition of our parents as they came home every night. Others look forward to their parents coming home to feel a closeness that only a mother and father could provide. The sense of loving warmth and security without a care in the world.

In any case, it is not whether or not you get a face-to-face encounter or not it is what is in your heart that matters.

Scriptures tell us in Proverbs 31:31: "Honor her for all that her hands have done, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate."

For mothers who have the luxury from God to have children at this time, it is also a time to reflect on the gift God gave you in the form of children to not only provide you joy but achieve one of the reasons God created humanity itself - replication was used through the woman to build a family for God himself. It is not happenstance that you had children.

As mother reflect on this day of their children they will have thoughts of blessedness or shame. Unfortunately, many of our mothers live with these thoughts not just today but everyday. Thoughts about what was done right or what could have been done better runs through the minds of all mothers each and everyday. We cannot change what has happened in the past but we can change what happens in the future. This change might not be the physical or relationship change we wish for overnight but God tells is in Isaiah 66:13: "As one whom his mother comforts, so I will comfort you."

So mothers comfort your children in prayer. Let God heal you and your relationships. Part of our societal issues today in because the home is not right with God. In many cases today, the home is a single family home and, as such, mothers need to turn to Jesus and allow Him to become the active role of the father of the home as told to us in scripture. Mothers, you cannot do this alone.

Allot of times it is difficult for anyone of us, being children or the parent, to let go of things that prevent us from actually experiencing the joy of being brought into this world. We shelter ourselves with a hidden file cabinet of our past and not allow the healing required to take place. This was me for about the first 40 years of my life.

I did not come from a Christian home of all-loving parents. In fact, being a sickly child my father did have much to do with me other than torture me emotionally and psychically when he wanted someone to go after. This will be a different day of discussion. My mother was a very controlling mother not only of my father but a manipulator of us children to get her way. She wanted to control everything. She talk constantly and then when you tuned her out she got in your face and asked if you were listening. Both smoked constantly and drank like a sieve. So I could go on with the story but also for another day. Let's just say that when I turned of age I left the home and never looked back. It was not until I got a call from my mother in 2009 telling me of her terminal cancer and the need of 24/7 healthcare.

After a week of thought I made the decision to close my consulting practice put everything in storage and move back to the house that I was born in and caused so much pain. I remember walking up the steps to the front door and the anxiety that came over me just entering the house made me sick to my stomach. However, I knew that what I was doing was the right thing becasue I had learned in scripture 1 Timothy 5:8: "Anyone who does not provide for their relatives, and especially for their own household, has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever."

So I entered into a phase in my life that turned out to be rewarding and a healing experience. It was in this time as a full grown adult that I took the time to have those conversations that should have been done way earlier in life to learn about my parents. For children, we think parents know all things and they are fixed. Maybe that is a thought of a loving Christian home but not of a broken home. Children are taught the ways of life from much different lenses.

I provide this level of detail of my life, not to draw attention to me, but to reflect on what it takes all along life's way to become the person God intended us to become.

It is my hope, it is my prayer and it is my wish for each of you to experience a remembrance day of your mothers from a place of peace, a place of love, a place of joy and understand that neither you nor your mother are perfect. You are just two people trying to find a way through life that somehow requires an interaction between two people and relationship building between a parent and child that no operating manual exists for either. It is at this point of understanding that you come to know that only God can provide.

I will be taking my coffee, visit my mother and have a conversation.